Oh my, I finally have the time (& energy) to write. I’ve missed this, I’ve missed you-o’ wonderful blog-you. Life has been busy! So hmmm, I don’t quite know where to start…
But we’ll try here and see where this takes me.
I’ve been back to work for a little over 2 months now. I can’t say I’m ecstatic about it, but I’m not miserable either. If only there were more hours in the day (or I worked less hours hehe) to spend time with my girl AND be in the office. I miss the days we went to the library and to the park, the mornings we could slowly roll out of bed, and the afternoons walking alongside our Fraser River pathway. However, I am enjoying drinking my coffee as slowly as I want (once I get to my desk), chatting with people who are actually able to engage in conversation, and gaining back some of the independence I had lost. I am still trying to get into the groove of being a working mom, but it is getting easier. (Well maybe not easier– I might just getting better, as they say.)
However, this brings me to my thought of the day; a feeling of being ‘underwhelmed’ in certain areas of my life, I guess you could say? I was on such a high this past year. Yes, it was hard… VERY hard.. but I was doing it, and I was doing it well. I felt I was making a difference, and my god I WAS making a difference! I overcame obstacles every.single.day. I saw results. She was growing and learning and developing right before my eyes- and a lot of that was because of me. I felt needed. I gave value. I had purpose.
Now, I understand that the role of a mother never changes. She needs me in different ways now then she did when she was a newborn. It’s just after all the trials and tribulations during that first year of parenthood, I feel that I have so much more to give, to do, to contribute. I never knew how strong I really was. It’s about understanding my value and where I can make a difference- not as a mother, but as a strong, intelligent, spirited woman. Enough has never been good enough for me. I don’t want to coast through life. I want to be motivated and challenged; to grow into something better then I was yesterday. Yes, I am a mother but I am also a woman. A woman with a career, with dreams, with ambitions; and right now, my “motherhood-fulfillment-meter” is skyrocketing, but my “successful-badass-woman-meter” needs a little work.
Okay, that’s enough from me tonight. Too tired to edit this post, just needed to jot this down. dammit. Can’t we (I) just BE happy? LOL.